BMT

Months ago, I remembered vividly I was still reluctant about enlisting into the national service. When I first enlisted in November, I convinced myself to serve it through nicely without giving up. Physical training was not the main issue; it was the loss of freedom that gave me nightmares. Things did not go pretty well, running the long distances and marching with heavy weights proved to be more demoralizing than it would seem to be. I hated the route march. During the marches, i kept asking why I am in this state going through the mental trainings. I even promised myself never to let my children go through such trainings in the future. I was nonchalant and just did my trainings like everyone else. Such mentality of mine remained until the day of outfield. The field camp changed everything in me.

The field camp system was developed for young Singaporean sons like us, and I must say it proved its effectiveness. The defining moment came during the day of the digging of the shell scrape. I still remember clearly how hard and torturous it was to dig, the soil was like sticky dough that made my blade useless. Everything was futile until I decided to use my bare hands and dig out the sticky soil. I looked around me and I see everyone digging their own shell scrape, no one would be able to help me even if I wished. I overheard a sergeant saying, “Now you guys should be able to understand how those Bangladesh workers feel when they do such construction works”. For that moment, I felt like a Bangladesh worker, trying my very best to dig, yet it was endless digging.

Finally I see some hope and my spirits lifted, yet we were instructed to stop for lunch. Just before we had our lunch, we could see other platoons being tortured physically. Yet my platoon did not receive any punishment. In fact, I was very touched by what my Platoon Commander and Platoon Sergeant said. Giving us physical punishment would only make us remember and change for the moment. But using the approach of talking to us provides us the chance to learn and remember. What is the point of physical punishments when we can carry out those pushups and just suffer for those moments? My Platoon commander’s words have definitely touched my heart which I would remember for the rest of my life. They have inspired me to be a good commander that uses a new approach to train others. Times have changed, young people no longer listen because of punishment, one has to convince them in their heart and people will change. I can’t help it but my tears just rolled down. I was touched by the speech. Not only me, my sections mates felt the same as well.

Adding on to the letter written to me by my parents, I was even more emotional on that day. Thinking of how hard it was to dig the shell scrape and the things which my family members wrote to encourage me, I miss everyone and loved them even more. The field camp program has definitely achieved its objective. I love my parents even more and I am grateful for what I have now. From my positive experience, I no longer think that serving the nation is a waste of time and in fact I want my son in the future to go through such training, for them to learn and change. It is a period for young people to grow up, a time for them to learn things they would never have the chance to learn, a time for them to mould their character. Motivated by this experience, I want to enjoy my days in the army and I hope every Singaporean son feels the same too.

Contradiction

Sorry. 我真的很喜欢你，就是忘不了也放不下你。就是因为是你填满我的一颗心，使我无法忘了你。

我知道虽然我们要走的路还遥远，但是我相信只要我们坚持，我期待我们创造的家庭。你让我无法再爱上别的女人，也把我深深地迷住，代表你在我心目中的地位有多深。

为了你，为了我的父母，为了我的两位老师们，我很努力的再改。我尽力的在告诉我自己要改要戒烟。你们都是我的力量，非常的辛苦，但是我不断的告诉我自己不要放弃自己，也很需要你们不要放弃我。因为你们是我最大的力量。

师父也一直鼓励我，令我感到很惭愧，希望我能自爱，早点找到智慧让我克服一切，智慧入海，对人要谦虚，说话要礼貌尊重别人。请求菩萨帮帮我，让我找到智慧，学得感恩，惜福，谦虚对待人。

Contentment

The past 4 days was an adventurous ride for me.

I enjoyed my time with the youths in this camp.

I hope everyone enjoyed themselves as well & let the bond grow.

 

Memories

I am scheduled to attend a 2 day training course back at my campus, Temasek Polytechnic. It was just a few months since i went back to school as a student, and the walk along the concourse definitely brought back memories during my past 3 years. Those sessions which we were so chaotic and making so much noise along the concourse were the legendairyz!

It’s been a few months since i worked like full-time while waiting for my enlistment. Yes, it has definitely been an experience for me as a premature working adult, and having happy hours after work with colleagues older than me. It’s a change of lifestyle, no longer those hanging out at night along the streets. I miss those times when we go out for rides and just hang around everywhere anywhere late in the night.

I know i can’t just let go of this feeling, but as time passes, we are all scattered, each on our own. Some others enlisted, some going in soon, some started their working life in the society. 2 years down the road, i will be continuing my studies in SMU taking econs as my degree. I definitely am looking forward to those studying school life again.

Like my graduation 2 weeks ago, it made me realized that we are all on our own now. No more spoonfed income, no more sheltered life, every action we do, impact our life down the road. I have said it many times, and yet, i will say it again. Like my mum always say, i meet people that always guide me along the way and we eventually became friends. No doubt i am very thankful for that.

These people serves as a role model for me. I want to be like them, being the family man and not pick up those philandering ways. Finally i had lunch with one of my 2 close lecturers today, which he brought me out for fish head curry. Just throughout the lunch, i was asking him about his life. I was wondering how he is able to be contented with what he possess and not like others which i encountered. Others succumbing to greed, hatred, lust, and eventually falling to their temptations.I have met others whom lived their life working for their temptations. Not all can conquer temptations, but at least those undesirable ones.

Of all the good friends whom i have made, both of them are my role models, one being compassionate and humble to others, the other being contented and having a very adaptable simple mindset. Seeing them cultivating throughout their life, i can say they serve as a deep inspiration and motivation for me.

For example, just mentioning smoking, drinking, clubbing and gambling, such undesirable activities, how does one manage to stay away from such even though they aren’t those religious people. They do know that my constant dilemma is always my parent and constantly teaching me as the role of a mentor.

I kept thinking, if i really want to kick those bad habits, what’s stopping me? With every bad habits that i kept, my mum will always say she is disappointed with me, but she does not scold me a single bit. This eventually makes me even more guilty, but not strong enough for my mind to kick those habits. I hate to disappoint my mum, but neither am i able to have a strong mind on my own to kick those bad habits away.

I told myself to always look up into my 2 mentors and constantly reminding myself to be like them, to follow their cultivation, to follow the lifestyle they have. No clubbing does not means not having a good social lifestyle. Well, at least for now we may think it’s good. But most importantly is our character which we have developed throughout these growing years.

Humility, Patience, Contentment, Compassion. We always see these words around and we know it, yet practicing it is hard. Because 10 years down the road, when i am 30, i always look back and grateful for my parents, those 2 mentors which have played a part in my upbringing. You may think, how are people going to affect one in their upbringing, but for me, it sure does, a big part indeed.

I need a change, a slow change and constantly reminding myself to have these values, Humility, Contentment, Compassion, Patience and the most important value of all, gratitude to others whom have affected my life. I know it’s tough and requires a very strong mental mind(which i obviously lack), but i know i will never stop trying to change and be a good boy and one day, i will be able to look back & say “hey thank you for making an impact in my life”.

Looking forward to the day……………………

Meanwhile enjoy some pictures of my graduation few weeks back, & i realize i did not manage to have a picture with Han Young. Damn.

Thank you to my parents for bringing me up for the past 20 years. I am always trying my best to be a good son and not disappoint you guys.

My lecturer that made an impact in my life.James.

Wonderful Classmates for the past 3 years

My project team for the 3 years, it was a great experience and we learnt the most out of one another

My Major Project groupmates, even though we had our differences, we overcome those and learnt a lot from one another. It was definitely a worthy project.

Glad

It was mothers day and I definitely love my parents even more now. Being appreciative of them and Also realizing how good and fortunate my family members are when I see those unfortunate ones.

I try to help if I can but you have to prove that you deserve my help. I would not want it to End up like I am pampering you so much.

Please and one day you will wake up your bloody idea.

Meanwhile I met my ex once in a while. Honestly speaking I still do love her but I have never thought of going back to her. We are still young and there’s a lot more different people we are going to meet. We have gone through so much and still manage to keep our relationship stabilize. But of course hopefully it does not turns out to be those kinda no strings attached affair.

I am glad you miss me like how much I miss you. Still, I am not going to rush anything because we have not seen the world yet. I am sure I’ll be the one that loves you the most more than anyone else.

Seriously I have seen her mature a Lot and working very hard. I must say I am very very proud of you. Keep this going on and one day we are meant to be together.

I am always here for you for now.

Tougher and tougher

The feeling gets tougher and tougher to beat. It’s the restlessness, the demoralizing phases you feel throughout that makes you want to give up. Keep thinking that you need something strong to keep yourself going and moving forward.

At the end of the day, things that keeps us moving forward are things that makes us demoralize. Keep telling yourself not to give up, but for what that we don’t give up?

Answer my doubt in me which I can’t figure it out.

Emotions

It’s been quite a while since I have last wrote yet again.

Life is pretty busy and engaging for the past 1 month as I started working on ground and office hours. But it’s indeed challenging and interesting with a lot of new experiences for me.

Still waiting for university news and I already received my enlistment letter already! 10 nov with kai Weng! We will be buddies for like 10 years? That’s friendship which I treasure most.

And every weekend I am clubbing and partying because it’s like I yearn for those at the end of a tiring week. But that means I must keep on track my beer habit. I keep reminding myself and finding ways like how my teacher taught me to say no to drinking. Of course meaning that I am not keeping track on 5 precepts regularly.

Still contradiction on my part, sorry dad but I’m trying to quit off my addiction as well. Everything in my life I am grateful for and contented except for my goddamm addiction. As what someone always said, it’s an excuse that I am trying to give for myself. If does not work even if I am with Shimin. That means shit, I need to work alot harder to kick off the habit. Hopefully I have the determination and strength one day.

Having stomache cause of the laksa I ate with an empty stomach. It reminds me of how James took care of me when I had gastric flu because my stomach felt like shit. Hope I will be fine and need to rest more.

Till then, cheers

Humble

This has been ringing through my mind almost everyday. It’s about this particular “idol” i have, or rather my “friend” whom i really respect. I often bump into friends and have those “hi-bye” friends that just waves as we brushes across one another.

No doubt i have lots of friends and people i know, yet whenever i see them, there is always this moment of just saying “hi-bye” and walking away. Even people whom interacted with me, if i do not like the other party, i will end up being cold and giving the cool shoulder towards the person.

Yet when i meet people whom i really want to meet, i will be portraying excitement and eagerness to catch up in our conversation. However, this person whom i knew for about 5 years since, has the greatest humility of a sensual being i ever met. It is when he is able to be compassionate towards others and show them humility. We have a very big age gap, the gap between me and my dad which probably means there were not any chances of us being friends in the first place.

Yet i had this friendship developed into something which i will confide in whenever i’m down(but you’ll seldom see me down ). Not only towards me, but also towards others as well. Good or bad, hated or well-liked, popular or non-popular, he treats everyone with humility. Every time i meet people, i’ll say “hey how are you man?”. The truth is, i do not really care about much about how good your life is, i only expect to hear “I’m fine man!” and that results in me just brushing across whomever i meet with a handshake.

I notice that my friend, not only to myself but to others as well, he would always genuinely ask about the person he met. I have seen him done towards others before, i have experienced it before. He never just give the cold shoulder and walk away. Always with a sincere question to the person, from the heart, really giving concern for the other party’s life and hopefully everyone’s doing good.

Not that his life is so wonderful or perfect, his so much hectic life from mine. 20+ years of age gap, he faces hell lots of shit. But yet his humility made me reflect upon myself. So what if i have the intellect? So what if i have good results? So what if i am thinking far upon others? It does not make me a person of higher “ego” than anyone, neither does it gives me the reason to look down on others.

I need to learn this and develop my humility towards others. I remember always whining to him about how arrogant people are and how showoffs people are, yet without looking at myself.
Not because he treats me well, but because he treats everybody he meets with the humility and compassion which i can feel his sincerity and that makes him my really great friend.

He always tell me, “One must always be humble, for you never know when you will meet people better and stronger than you” – Well, real life examples in our daily lives proves it all ain’t it?

It is always etched in my memory and besides, being humble does not kill us, it just lowers our ego but it allows others to feel our sincerity in talking to them.

Thank you my friend for letting me feel that you’re a good friend worthy of, inspiring me to practice the dharma and develop my humility and compassion. Hope one day you would see this.
Thank you, teacher.

It’s time to begin the next phase of life

Finally after 3 years of polytechnic life which we all breezed through except during main examinations, we received our results and it’s time to begin another phase of life.

No doubt i would miss my classmates in the future, but this is life. We meet new people, different people that changes our mindset, teach us new things, impact our aspirations, inspiring us to be better than ever.

I have learnt a lot throughout my projects, forging friendships which were unique and developing skills both human and technical. What ever was impossible can be achieved as long as we believe in it and do not give up. It’s what we want our lives to be, that’s how we live it.

We want our lives to be happy everyday, we choose our own path.

I wish that all of us will be able to achieve our aspirations one day so long as we do not give up.

I am glad that i had wonderful classmates and met different people that inspired me throughout this 3 years.

Thank you everyone.

 

It is time for us to learn new things and meet new people. Constantly changing our lives. For the better.

Back From Hiatus

After a long long long break from blogging, i’m finally back onto writing.

Probably been overwhelmed by emotions raging throughout my mind, tough times. It has been finally the end of 3 years of my polytechnic life and now we are all waiting for our enlistment. Many things have happened since i last wrote, but will write more in time to come.

There have been a earthquake that hit Japan. What worries me most are my two friends over in japan. One is separated from his family, the other is fine. I really hope that both of them will stay strong and nothing bad will happen to them. The only thing i could do was to pray for their safety and well-being.

Talking about praying, i looked at all the tweets and face book feeds, i realized that many youths have changed their beliefs. Be it whether they had a belief in the first place, sad to say they are not on the same mind path with me. It seems kind of depressing to see youth nowadays change so tremendously, what do they really understand from their beliefs?

A sudden urge for me to start and guide youths back onto their track. Many people tends to escape their problems spiritually and thinks its perfectly fine. But what they do not know and is their fear is that if one day things happen again right in their lives again. Having the ability to accept and understand as well as embrace whatever things that happens to us in our lives, no matter good or bad, we embrace it will understanding. That is what i hope many youths have in their mindset.

Cheers.